Blah blah blah…….

Its been a very long time since i wrote anything~ Hmm.. I’ve been busy settling my stuff, one by one. Yea, I’ve got a whole load of stuff to go through..

Anyway.. Life is okay i guess. Crazy most times but, thats normal. ha-ha~

Today was great. I dunno, my morning was nice, playing emails with crazy people and then lunch was nice as well. i left office at like 6 and the traffic was alright. I reached home and did my mum’s nails. like i should seriously look into being a beautician~ muahahahahaha. then i practiced line dancing ( Yea, i actually attend the classes~) with my mum and we just talked and laughed and i came online and its all nice..

i’m downloading some songs cuz i have not been online in a while *reading the news online in the morning while eating breakfast is not included~ha!*

Today did have some crazy moments i admit but it turned out pretty well.

one song describes how i feel..

Yeaah
heyy heyy

That’s how much I love you (yeah)
That’s how much I need you (yeah yeah yeah)

And I can’t stand you
Must everything you do make me wanna smile?
And then I like you for a while
No…

But you won’t let me
You upset me girl and then you kiss my lips
All of a sudden I forget that I was upset
Can’t remember what you did

But I hate it
You know exactly what to do so that I can’t stay mad at you for too long
That’s wrong but I hate it

You know exactly how to touch
So that I don’t wanna fuss and fight no more
Said I despise that I adore you

And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah)
I can’t stand how much I need you (I need you)
And I hate how much I love you boy (ohh)
But I just can’t let you go
And I hate that I love you so (ooh)

And you completely know the power that you have
The only one that makes me laugh
Sad and it’s not fair
How you take advantage of the fact that I…
Love you beyond a reason why (whyyy)
And it just ain’t right

And I hate how much I love you girl
I can’t stand how much I need you (yeah yeah)
And I hate how much I love you girl
But I just can’t let you go
And I hate that I love you so

One of these days maybe your magic won’t affect me
And your kiss will make me weak
But no one in this world
Knows me the way you know me
So you’ll probably always have a spell on me…

yeahhhhh ohhhh ohhh
oh yeah

It’s how much I love you
It’s how nuch I need you
It’s how much I love you (ohh)
It’s how much I need you
And I hate that I love you
Sooooo
And I hate how much I love you boy
I can’t stand how much I need you
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just can’t let you go
And I hate that I love you soo
And I hate that I love you soo sooo

I was driving aimlessly again today. I’m starting to feel I’ve somehow lost my direction in life. Yes~! Me~! Of all people. Hmm, for someone who always knew what she would be doing tomorrow or next week and sometimes the next month, my mind has gone blank and its crazy~!

I no longer know what I want anymore. I no longer know what I’m putting effort for. It sounds strange doesnt it?.

I woke up this morning without any feeling. I have been feeling like this for the past week actually. Maybe its the fact that, I’m getting older. Err. I used to long for my birthday every year, this year, I dread the day. Stupid right?

I have no idea why I’ve been feeling weird actually. Its like something is missing. I really don’t know. Sigh.

I had a great birthday anyway. Extremely great presents.. and also to those who celebrated with me. I love you all so much~! Lots of laughs and funny crazy jokes for that night.. Muaxxx~!

Some poeple can be so ignorant! Yes! There are some people who do not understand the meaning of space~. Stupid~!

EEEEEEEEEE~ Just when I was chilling out BY MYSELF and trying to figure out what I wanna do with my life. People say I’m acting weird? I just hate that. Its cuz some people did it to me last time.

I just can’t believe it happened again~! This time, I don’t think I’m gonna let it slide. Its just so… arrrgggghhhhh~!

Why can’t I just have my alone time? My space? Sigh. I have been so busy for the past 3 years that I think I deserve a damn break~! Thats the damn reason I went on 3 holidays last month~!

Cuz I know that when I start work, I will have to work hard if I want to achieve what I want in my life. I need space to sort out my life. You know, Clearin the damn cluttah~!! My life is just crazy. Full of weird things which at times, I am thankful but I hate it when people assume things about me which they are totally wrong about.

I miss my sunshine.. Always busy.. Yea.. Me too…. Sighh… Till I see you again~…

Its been quite a while since I wrote something that actually matters to me but today I’m feeling quite pissed of at a certain incident that happened recently.

I met one of my really good friends online today and she seemed pretty upset. Upon asking her what was bugging her, she started on about how guys can be so stupid and unfair. (hmm, I’d have to agree on that up to a certain level)

Story is, her boyfriend and her had a huge misunderstanding ( err, I was pretty tempted to use the word sexist quarrel ) over her friends and his. Thing is, it is OK for him to hang out with his TOUCHY, CLINGY , SLUTTY, BITCHY girl~friends, but it is NOT ok for her to hang out even to speak to her guy friend who is really close to her.

Where is the fairness in that?? I seem to hear that this often happens in many relationships. Sad right?

My friend insisted that it was not fair and that if she can’t speak to her friend, he can’t speak to his friends. His stupid answer was just a simple ‘no’.

I feel pity for my friend, having to go through all that. They argued for a bit but it was not settled and it sort of left her with a huge question mark as to what she should do.

My advice was, if he refuses to do it, she shouldn’t care as well. Its really unfair. I kind of asked her, if he is really worth all the trouble and she couldn’t answer. A year is still to early to tell if the relationship can work. Is that true? Hmm. I can’t answer that. I just felt really angry.

I don’t think its wrong to mix around. It gets wrong when it gets out of hand. If his girlfriend knows her limits, why can’t she hav guy friends? She can stand there and watch while other people touch her boyfriend.~ She has to " close one eye " because its normal. She on the other hand has never touched any guy. Is it fair? Nope~ I seriously don’t think so.

Sigh. After getting some pretty ear bleeding nagging from me, I hope she knows what to do. Kinda miss her in her fun mode.. Oh well…~

I really miss my sunshine.. Really like alot. Sigh. Oh well.. The person seems to be pretty busy with  things lately.. We hardly even speak. Weird I know but yea.

I can actually feel some comfort in being alone these days.. I’m not actually alone.. I have d hamsters and bambi to keep me company.. I also have my housemate Dita.. So yea, its nice..

I wentshopping today.. Bought like 4 tops.. Megasale ma..~ Haha. Err.. It was like at a super discounted rate actually.. lol.. So itw as all good..

Its crazy but I just came back from Melaka.. I totally enjoyed the place. Its beautiful and the people are friendly. I wanna go back again~ Haha..

Not really in the modd for writting actually.. Just bored.. lol..

" I’m looking for someone who is willing to spend some time with me. To share not only the wonderful moments in my life, but the sad and painful moments as well. If you are willing to do so for me, I will promise to do the same."

Beautiful isn’t it? I guess everyone is looking for that special someone to share moments in life with. Wonderful moments such is cuddling in the rain after a fight, when all that is needed is love and understanding. Sad moments shared when things do not go as planned or even painful moments when people are lost.

I wish I could have more wonderful moments. The most recent wonderful moments in my life would be getting high in Tioman. I have not uploaded the drinking session pictures yet. Lol. It was really nice. No one ended up getting sick and stuff so it was the nicest drinking session ever~!

Another moment would be walking around with my mum in Phuket shopping. Nice~!

Other than that, there are not many highlights in my life. I mean, I often feel alone and empty because according to Yeen, I think wayyyy toooo muchhhhh! Which I think is wrong. I mean, everyone spends a considerable time thinking of things in their life everyday right? So yea, I’m still normal. Lol. Umm, yea. I tend to over think situations and I always in every situation, expect for the worse.

" If I expect the worse, I will be less disappointed. " <– True isn’t it?!

My close friend told me a few weeks back that he is leaving next year to travel. He won’t be coming back for a long while. I was quite upset at first actually, I was being selfish. All I thought about was who was I going to confide in when I was sad, who would be the one to hang out with and just talk nonsense and have a nice time and who would always be there for me no matter what. After thinking it through, I feel that him leaving, is actually a good thing. It will get me on my feet again. I tend to depend on others too much lately I guess. Its all good now. I can deal with things on my own. ^_^

I really need my own space right now. I don’t know why. I just need to rethink my whole life and which direction its going. I’m really hoping its not going downhill. Haha.

" When I’m faced with a challenge, God will provide."

Thank you God for providing me with help everytime I reached a dead end. ^_^

Right now, I need to focus on my new job and have fun with my life. Lol. Life is, after all, short. ^_^

I just came back from a whole week of relaxing. Come to think of it, it was a rush at the beginning but it ended well. Lol.

I was in Pulau Tioman with Yeen, Bell and also Dita. Lol. Just us 4 girls. It was crazy. Crazy in a super fantastic way. Not all went as planned though. Sea sick struck! Turned out alright in the end. So its all good. ^_^

I came back and had to leave the next morning. Family holiday in Phuket. It felt pretty tiring because of the weather. It was hawwwwt! Err. Lotsa hotties though. Err. Haha.

The people are nice as well. friendly and helpful. I didn’t go to the beach much. Spent most of the time in the hotel room because it was hot. So it was pretty much a relaxing holiday. Lol. Yes, I feel pretty rested. Haha.

Now that I’m back, I gotta figure out what I wanna do with my life. Lol. I feel quite confused. I know what I want, I just gotta figure out whats the shortest way of getting it. Haha. No, its not what you think! Haha.

I wanna retire early and travel. I know, me! Travel! Thats something weird. Spending time with people who love to travel kinda gets you into the mood as well especially when I started traveling myself.

I kinda view things differently. I mean, going on vacation with my family, everything is pretty much prepared. But, going on holiday with friends, gives the word " holiday" a new meaning. Its the people I go with I guess.

If we all think alike, then everything clicks and everything goes smoothly! I quite like walking around myself and exploring places. It can get quite dangerous when you don’t really know where you’re going..

I’m usually not spontaneous. I like my things planned out. But, I realize I seem to change when I’m on holiday as I like the idea of doing things without planning it!

^_^

You. You may never know what you actually mean to me. I try and I try to make things better but it just gets more complicated.

I remembered the first time we actually spent time talking. The feeling was amazing. Its like finally, someone who I could actually talk to. Someone who would understand me for me and not for what they thought I was.

You were the only one who ever said that I looked stunning. I will never forget that.

The first time I thought there was something amazing about you was when you instictively took my hand so that I wouldn’t fall. That moment, you have no idea how I felt. Undescribable.

When you indirectly said goodbye to me, I felt angry. Really angry. Its like you never knew how much you have done for me. How much you’ve changed me. How much you’ve taught me about life.

Today is when I say goodbye. Goodbye to everything that you’ve done for me. Maybe I will get on with my life. Maybe I won’t. Truth is, you will never find out. Unknown to most, you are far from here. Far from me but close to my heart.

It sounds weird doesn’t it? Thats just the way things are. I hate life.

There are so many things which I want to share but most are too personal to type. If you knew what I was going through, you would understand. I am now left in the dark.

I am alone. Which ever decisions I make, I face it alone. I live for no one but myself. I used to think I lived for someone else. Perhaps it was someone in my distant past. Or my distant future. I have no idea. I do not know at all.

Truth is, I don’t even know what I’m doing now. I feel its right but at times, I feel its wrong and I should have not done it. Sigh.

Why are all my decisions mostly wrong? I dont know. I dont know at all. I do know one thing, I am who I am,even if you dont like who I am, all you’re gonna get is, who I am.

I hardly have time to come online anymore. Any free time I have, its either studying or sleeping. Yes, I quite like the idea of sleeping till noon. Haha.

I met up with Ying the other day and had a nice long chat with her. Realize how your friendship grows? Well, yea. After speaking to her, I felt I knew her more. Weirdly interesting isn’t it? I mean, I’ve known her for quite a while and when I thought that theres nothing more to it, I was wrong.

Then I started thinking about my other friends and how I learn new things just about everyday I mis with them.

For example, Yan is not only afraid of birds, she is also afraid of Yeen and Bell’s pet hamster, mushroom. Haha. Now thats really funny.

I met up with Sandra, darling darling Sandra! She’s like all weeeehooooooo~! and stuff. Can’t wait till I get out of Sbux. Lol.

Hmm. I was wondering, whats this whole deal with having lotsa money eh?? It doesn’t matter if I don’t make much right? Just as long as I’m happy. I don’t need to have a fancy car as long as I have a car to get me from A to B.

I just don’t get it with people. All they care about is, what car you drive and how much you make. They don’t care about the fact that you’re unhappy or happy or whatever. Hmm. Stupid right? Yes, very. People can be veryyyy stupid at times.

OOOooooooooooo… I like the new Carrie Underwood song. Before he cheats. Nice nice!