Blah blah blah…….

" You always leave the one who loves you and love the one who leaves you"

I just feel so sad… yet no one knows…

Kewt!! Marcia helped me to get a job kinda thingy! Its one of those events thingy. For the event I’ll be in next month, I get 300 bucks a day! Wahooooo! So at least I will have some extra stuff. Just hope it doesn’t get cancelled or anything.

Yawn.. feel so sleepy but its a sign.. I need NEED to lose weight.. Haha! Finally a reason to get off my butt and do something useful.. teeeheee! Umm, I have not told Regi yet though. He should be okay with it ^_^ . Hey, its earning me money ma..

Sleepy weiiiiii!!!

Right now I’m feeling like "fuck". Grrr. I feel so confused. I wanna talk it out. Damn this! Its only 3.42pm.. I haven’t even been awake for 2 hours dammit! Ulrica knows the story. She said its cuz everyone likes to be pampered. No, hunnie. That aint it.

Last night, around 3am I think ( my phone is upstairs and I’m too lazy to get it cuz I don’t wanna take any calls right now.. =(.. ) someone called me and kept asking me if I was angry and I was like " why would I be angry, its nothing, I’m sleepy " He said that he wants to take me out for a movie that I told him I wanted to watch a few months back.. He also said that I’m a very important person in his life. OMG, I don’t know if I should kick him or myself. I just didn’t want things to turn out this way and I certainly do not want to see him now. I just wouldn’t know what to say. Thats why I don’t answer his calls. I just don’t know what would be right or wrong to say.

I used to think I was pretty ok in confrontations but turns out, I’m shit at it. I’m a shitty person. I’m just so shit. Grrr. Yes, self hating does help in moments like this. I feel like shutting everyone out. I don’t want anyone to know what a crappy person I am. I can’t make myself happy, what makes you think I can make someone else happy?

I’m going over to Mike’s place tonight along with Viv.. She wants to discuss something with us.. I feel like baking. Lol.. I feel just so sad.. Umm.. Been listening to " Hoa Xin Fen Shou by Candy Lo Feat. Lee Hom.. Nice sappy love song for the day ehh..

Why can’t he let me go???

I know its been more than a week since I’ve blogged. Its cuz I’ve been kinda busy with work. Eventhough my job may start at 3.. I kinda wake up at 1.. LOL. Something has been bugging me and frankly, I’m feeling kinda crappy cuz of that. Err. Yea, if Yeen knew this, she would smack my head (Sadly, I gave her permission..hardy har har.. I was desperate to make a point k!) so hard I wouldn’t know whats coming next.

I find writting a blog way too personal. Did you ever stop and notice Gawd knows who is reading all about your stuff? Scary right?.. Yea it sure is. I mean I absolutely love reading about everyone elses blog but when I think about what people might say or think when reading mine..Well, freaky!! Then again, I don’t care what others have to say. If I did, I certainly won’t be blogging now would I?!

Have you ever felt rotten for treating someone badly eventhough the person did not deserve it? I did and now I feel like crap. Grr. HOw I wish things were simple and different.. I wish I could say whats bothering me..But I can’t. Not here. Only my journal knows. I re-decorated it today.I couldn’t help it. I was pretty freeee.. ^_^

Right now, I’m waiting for a certain Ms Liong S.Y to come online. Babe.. Where are you? Sigh. I don’t feel so good now.. Maybe I’ll just sleep.. Yea I think I’ll do that…..

Sore eyes! SORE EYES!.. Hmm, ok, its just my right eye but it hurts! Thank Gawd I got my new glasses! I look way cooler now. Teeeheeee! It cost me alot. Weeeheeee! Bye bye contacts.. Love said everytime he sees me using contacts he is going to fine me 10 bucks.(can he actually do that?! Sigh, for my own good, yea =( )

Today started weirdly, Yan and Yeen called me this morning and since I was so sleepy I don’t even remember what we spoke about.. Oh well. I finally got up at 1.. Wanted to watch CSI when I remembered I am supposed to take Yeen to the bank. So I got ready and my mum wanted to go to Jusco so I was like okay, we’ll go together cuz my bro needed to buy a new bag for college.

I sent my mum n bro to Jusco and went to Klang Parade to get my glasses and take Yeen from Starbucks cuz she is doing opening. OMG I took like 20 minutes just to look for a parking spot. WahLauEyy!

So after all that, I went back to Jusco and I dunno why, I can always find nice parking spots near the exits when I park in Jusco *touch wood!* and not in Klang Parade. ^_^

My love is doing opening and he came looking for me and along with my mum, he was nagging me about rubbing my eyes and contact lenses. Sigh. Old man!! Blek! I then followed him to get something to eat. He lost weight! Die la, Ulrica was telling me that if he loses weight, he will attract girls and I was like, SHIT! I put on so much of weight already and have to start jogging again. Aihhh! Lazy la.. =P

I’m back home now and I feel something is wrong but I don’t quite know what. I’m just wondering how is the certain person I was worried about yesterday. Hope she’s alright..

Its Mian Ying’s birthday today.. I wished her happy birthday and she made a wish.. Umm.. Its got to do with gravity.. Hehe. She’s funny la ^_^. Muaxxx!

*** Check out my new pics with Mike and Viv. Yea, the crazy guy with the peace sigh is Mike and the babe beside me is Viv ^_^ . It was taken yesterday evening-ish.. I like it alot.. KEWT!! ***

At this very moment, I’m wondering why I have not blogged for a week. Oh yea, ITS NOT SAFE! Hardy har har. Truth is, when you have the tendency to yap non-stop about the people around you, they will, i repeat, THEY WILL find out.

Lesson of the day : Blog only what you think won’t be a cause for problems.

That’s a lesson I learnt by hard. Oh well. Anywayz, about me being pissy the other days, it was all about people around me kinda driving me crazy with stuff. I mean, it was all minor stuff but I’ve had alot on my mind lately and I just snapped. I don’t think its gonna happen anytime soon again. I’m all cool and calm like usual.

The last week was alright. On Monday, I did Middle shift. I start at 3pm and I end at 10.30pm. It was kinda tiring cuz I was busy as a bee cleaning and scrubbing the sinks and glass doors and also the back of house floor. Now its all squeaky clean!

On Tuesday, I did Middle shift (gee, I wonder why I’m always doing middle. Easy, its because of Regi. He works closing [3.30pm to 11ish] so I go to and from work with him ^_^]

On Wednesday, I did Middle again, and Viv, Mike, Chen Yih and Marcia came to hang out with me. Usamah was a dear to let me take my break! So sweet of him and Soon. I bought junk food for Yeen and had to drop it by her place after work and she gave me ko ko crunch in return! So sweet of her la!

I was off on Thursday, Friday and Saturday and also Sunday.I don’t earn much so I need to go on a budget anyway. Oh well. Thats life. Plus, the others need the money more than me. I have pretty much everything I need if I don’t go out. Even if I do go out, I MUST discipline myself to be on a budget. (*SHIT*!!)

On Thursday, I was feeling a little down, (Yes, I know I think wayyy too much!) And Ulrica bought me a mini cake with Winnie the Pooh to cheer me up. What a darling right?! Then Regi called me and asked me to have dinner with his family. Seafood! Yummy! So by the end of the day, I wasn’t so sad anymore.. ^_^

Saturday, Mike calls me to wake me up as usual and he asks me out to lunch with Viv. ALrighteeeeeee!!! And what a mini adventure we all had!.. My brain overheated and short circuited.. So I’m all about talking like a madwoman now. Mike Viv and I are meeting up for fried chicken later.. Something feels very wrong…

My heart goes out to someone special who feels sad because of someone else. My dear, I don’t know what to say…

Today is like no other day. Mike smsed me and asked me out to lunch. Just the 2 of us. I wondered what was up. Lol. We wanted to try " Leo’s cafe" but we waited and waited and they never attended to us! So we left and ended up at Kopitiam as usual.

We spoke about a few things and well, someone is definitely pissed off with me. I should be pissed off at the person first. Its just childish! The person thinks I don’t appreciate my friends, why? Reason is, I didn’t feel like going for a close friend’s birthday party cuz the next day is my dad’s anniversary. I was just sad and moodless. And all the person cared about is theirself. Hello. The day you lose a parent, I will do the same to you. You do not feel any pain, so you do not understand! I put on a happy face and went for it. Did they even notice? No. So tell me who is the one who do not appreciate friends?!?!

I don’t forget my friends. I shut them out. GET THAT RIGHT! I avoid people cuz no one understands!

I not only shut you out ok, FOR YOUR INFO, I shut out Ulrica and Yeen as well. What did they do? They felt my pain and instead of saying that I don’t appreciate friends, they forced me to come out and they made me a tanglung and help me fly it. I felt so much better after that. Eventhough they did not experience my pain, they CARE. And for that SOMEONE who told me to GET OVER IT, you did not go through it, when you do, I will tell you the same and then see how you feel.

Sigh. This is why I’m pissed off. Life is bigger then what you think. Please, when you get into the REAL world, then we can talk ok, cuz now, everything seems so pretty and nice. Please la. Wake up.

Grrrr! Whatever with that la. Not up to me to say anything. This is something small. I just couldnt be fucked. I have bigger problems to deal with. Same goes to some couple who is childish and needs to grow up. I have no time to deal with that shit right now. Don’t bother me with your tiny problems if neither of you wants to grow up. I just couldnt be fucked to care anymore.

Cuz no matter what I do, I’m the bad guy in the end right? So yea, whatever!

Would it be wrong to be a blogger? Lol, I’m a certified serial yapper so blogging only comes natural.

Since I’m semi-jobless, the reason I’ve not been blogging would be. Umm, I’m afraid certain "people" who are not supposed to know stuffz would come across my blog and read it and some other innocent "person" would get into trouble.

Actually, I’d say, "fuck off la,go kill yourself" but in this case, as I was discussing with a friend with mutual thoughts, we came up with the conslusion, to hell with them - crazeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! So, after considering it, I don’t care la. Its your fucked up bizz.

Here I am again blogging. Bye bye journal. Lol, realize how you write your stuff in here and its for others to view?! A journal is like so much safer la. Sigh. Whatever.

Today is Nancy’s birthday. Someone is interested in her and is throwing her a party tonight and we’re all invited.Don’t get me worng, I’ve got nothing against her. She’s a nice girl. ^_^ . Marcia will be picking me and Ulrica up around 7.15 ish. Sigh. I think I’ve an eye infection.

I feel that someone is hiding something away from me. If I catch him red handed, I will take drastic measures and seriously, you don’t know how bitchy I can get. I’ve ruined people before this and its easy. I will feel no guilt or sadness after it, just pure satisfaction of seeing the culprit suffer and slowly wanting to kill himself.

Don’t ask me why I’m feeling pissed off right now, I just am. I’m looking at all the shitty people who are making people around me sad and know what? People should wake up cuz there are bigger things happening in this world then little useless problems. Stop fighting and start living!

Someone passed away in my housing area yeaterday morning, I woke up to the sounds of a woman wailing. It was awful. I hate it when someone passes away eventhough we all die someday and one day it would be me in the coffin, I just hate it. It reminds me of those memories I keep shut at the back of my mind. These days, I just feel even more worse. No one knows, regi thinks I’m all happy with my life.

I’m not! I’m not happy! I hate life. I hate so many things! I hate the fact I have to live seeing all this happen. Can’t it all just go away and leave me alone??? I’m not perfect, I’ve said that a million times, but I pick my battles. I don’t fight about something I find stupid unless I think there is something more to it. Sigh.

Dance with me?