Blah blah blah…….

My 21st birthday…….Everything went perfectly!! Weee~~!! I had a small gathering of friends.. mostly sbux friends.. My bffz also came.. The earliest to arrive were Kevin and Ying.. And everyone arrived after that.. Below are the stuff which I received….Nice lehhh!!

My love love gave me this wallet!! Isnt it pretty???? Love him so so so so much!!!

Gift voucher!! Forever 21~~!! Given to me from Kevin, Ying & Jon!!

Jon gave me this card.. Eventhough he didn’t show up.. Its okay la.. He has so spend me sometime soon.. Blekkk!!

Pretty pretty flowers!! Given to me from Kevin , Ying and Jon!

This bag is given to me from Steven & Viv.. Steven chose the bag! Nice ya!!!

This clutch is given to me from MJ and Pat.. I lovee purple ^_^

Look closely.. Its Pooh, Piglet and Tigger!! All together gether.. This is from Yeen.. ^_^

Photo album from Sandra ^_^ I really like the cover and the fact that I can arrange the pictures how ever I like..

This mini diary comes with a little lock and key!! Haha.. To keep all my secrets safe!! Kewt! From Yeen & Belle

I love magz! This mag comes with a note book.. Nice!! Given to me by Yeen & Belle ^_^

Clinique cosmetics!! Mascara..Theres also perfume in there!!Weeee~!! From Ulrica, Allen & Yeen.

Sbux cuddly bear!! Given to me by the ppl in sbux who loves me!! I really love it!! ^_^

I really enjoyed laughing and screaming like crazy with all of them..!! Thanks for coming guys!! Kevin, Ying, Viv, Steven, Pat, Yeen, Sandra, Michelle, Vishnu, Yan, Allen, Ulrica & love!! Muaxxx!!!!

OMG OMG OMG OMG.. ok ok *breathe*…….. Tmrw is my birthday right, and I didn’t expect anything from love cuz having him is beside me is enough but he gave me this huge surprise.. he bought me a GUESS wallet!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Its twice the size of one I’m using now.. it has bling bling on it.. Weeeeee~!!!!!!!

love him soooo much!! so happy!!!

I feel quite happy today. I can’t quite explain why though. Maybe its because everything is all settled down now. Maybe its because I’ve learnt alot in the past few weeks and today is when I compile everything and feel like a new person.

I guess there comes a time in your life where you just wanna do what you feel is right, not what you think you should do knowing that there can only be good results. In a way right, I do feel I’m still the same person that I was. A small part of me. I am trying to be better, I’m trying to be myself. If asked before " who am I? " I would wonder.. who am I actually. Not anymore. I do know who I am. I know where I want to be in the next year and 5 years to come.

I’ve sacrificed many wants to what I need. I really want to go on a holiday. I talk about going to somewhere with a beach but I don’t think I can afford it cuz the money needs to go for my studies. I want a new handphone but its not time yet. Things like that. I don’t want to rush. Not anymore. I guess I know how to differentiate what I need from what I want. Lol. The latest example, I want a new pair of heels but I need a new pair of working shoes. In economics, this is called " kos lepas ". Learnt it in like form 5.

In friendship wise, my life has taken a crazy turn, I’ve made so many new friends which are great, who I can be my crazy self with. Ahh, the all famous " starbucks culture ".. to name a few great ppl I’ve met, Ren Yi, Peter, Stephanie, Nicole, Ernest.. These are the kinda people you can just be yourself and laugh like crazy.

I’m gonna be 21 really really soon. Lol, I don’t feel any different but I don’t know. Kinda nervous.. I’m a year older.. So much has changed from the last time I celebrated my birthday.. wow.. ^_^.. Its been a great year with many ups and downs.. ^_^

Weeeeeehoooooo~~!!!!!! ^_^

The most imperfect person in the world would be me. I say this sincerely. I have been wrong many times. I just didn’t realize how many people I’ve shut myself from. Was it their fault? Perhaps. Was it mine? Perhaps. What was I thinking when I did what I did? That’s the answer. I wasn’t. I just blocked everything out.

Realize I’m not sensitive? I’m pretty realistic? When asked a question on what would I do if I was stranded in a jungle when it was snowing and while I was walking to find a way out, I see someone lying in front of me. Would I help the person? Would I just leave? What would I do?

I answered I would leave the person because my survival instincts will kick in. OMG. Looking back now, I realize, I’m so mean. I have no heart. I have no feelings. I am not sensitive. I have lost that soft side of me. All that’s lest is an angry sad soul. I’m empty. I feed on misery. That’s why I can never accept something good happening to me. Cuz I feel nothing ever good happens to me, if it does happen to me, something really bad will eventually happen.

If I start to unblock my heart, that leaves me defenseless. I will probably get hurt easily. I hate that. These days, I don’t deal with anyone else’s problems but myself. I find it easier but it really sux. I mean, I remember how I used to enjoy helping people. Now, I only want to help myself. I do things for myself and I rarely spend time on other things. I stopped caring. Cuz caring hurts. I now know that not caring hurts too.

To better myself, I need to be the bigger person. I owe a few people an apology. I’m going to start with the people who are my real friends. Those who have been there for me in my times of need.

Ulrica, I’m sorry things have come to what they are now. We still talk but I’ve got my own stuff now and so do you. In hopes things will be better for you in the future.

Allen, I’m really sorry for what I’ve said. I really miss talking to you cuz it feels weird seeing you but not talking to you.

Kanchi, sorry for always not being able to meet up. Its not that I don’t want to, its cuz I can’t. I really wanna meet up with you all though. I miss you guys so much. Its been so long.

Yan, I’m really sorry you have to do opening without middle for a few days this week. I’ve got swollen tonsils.

Gini, I’m sorry I’m always not able to see you. I miss you so much.

That does feel better. I just want them to know that I do feel bad for stuff I’ve done. 4 days of staying at home really made me realize that I have changed so much. I need to find what I’ve lost. In hopes of a better day…

I can’t speak.. tonsillitis.. sigh.. My throat hurts like hell. I can’t even eat properly.. I’m having fever which thank god has subsided. I sleep so much cuz I’m on crazy medication. I’m drowsy when I’m awake.

Its suffering. I just got better.. Why.. Why!!.. And its a viral infection which can’t be cured with antibiotics! I hope I don’t have to remove my tonsils..

Yesterday I was crying the whole night. My head hurt so bad and my throat hurt and it was just so painful.. Regi had to take me to the doctor cuz I couldnt drive myself..

The medication is working again.. I’m feeling very sleepy.. Sigh.. I’m kinda hungry now but everything tastes bitter n I can’t swallow.. So no point eating.

People think they know me. They don’t. Sometimes, it takes time to understand things. Like how I don’t understand why people do what they do. How hurtful it may be, they still do things without thinking about the consequesces.

Only a handful of people know what I’m writing about. Most of them can assume and we all know what assume stands for.

Oh well, blogging isn’t quite my thing I suppose. I don’t think people understand me anyway. Why bother! I do things for a reason and I can be very nice and mean at the same time. I’m hardly mean though, unless provoked.. ^_^

Other than that, I’m the screamy loud crazy person you know me as.

Nighty night ^_^

I had an extremely interesting day! Umm. Had breakfast with Yeen and Yan (YeenYan Twinz?!?!?!) and later on went to Sunway Pyramid to meet up Mian Ying and Vivian. Mian Ying brought along Jin Yao. We ate Genki Sushi.. Ok la. Cuz I was pretty full from breakfast. Hehe.

Jin Yao helped me do a tarot card reading. I mean whoa! Seriously whoa! He asked me to think of a question and when he did the reading, it totally answered my question.

What he said really made sense. I know what he is referring to eventhough I don’t speak about it much, I didn’t know it was the cause of my insecurities. I have blocked it out and its somehwhat resolved, I’m still holding on. When he said that, in my head, I was like, OMG, thats whoa! I need to let go and start healing. I can’t. I am trying. I told Regi what Jin Yao said and he knew what it was about. He has told me many times to let go but I can’t. I tried.

I never actually realized that because of it, I tend to block things out. Its the kind of unhealthy blocking. I have done so much damage to myself. I need to start caring for myself. ^_^

Its a good day!!